


Flightless Bird, American Mouth

by amoralec



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, M/M, but im british i know nothing about your trump world, but they're both of age so dw if i do decide to include it, its me so, ryan thinks its dumb, sex probs dunno, shane likes his cat, was gonna set it in america
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2019-04-21 10:43:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14283216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amoralec/pseuds/amoralec
Summary: Ryan Steven Bergara is a Straight A, Ilvermorny student who is chosen to transfer to the United Kingdom’s school for witchcraft and wizardry; Hogwarts. Unfortunately for Ryan, his long-time nemesis, Shane Alexander Madej, is also set to join him at Hogwarts.Issues have followed the pond, but the fresh air is messing with Ryan’s head. Or maybe it’s the water.





	1. Prologue

 “Ah, Ryan. Sit please, sit.” Professor Fontaine gestures blindly to the chair opposite him and Ryan immediately obeys, twiddling his thumbs where they rest on his lap. “Sorry to call you out of potions.” Fontaine searches his desk draws, moving around larger objects that ought to not have fit in the narrow space.

 “It’s fine, headmaster. Can I ask why I’m here. Am I in trouble?” Fontaine meets his eyes then.

 “No, not at all Ryan it’s about- ah here it is,” He pulls out a crinkled piece of parchment and slams the draw shut. He flattens it out to the best of his ability and looks up at Ryan again, eyes shining, “You have been selected as the representative for Ilvermorny in the Hogwarts merger program.” Ryan emits a sound resembling more of a doxy than human.

 “Seriously?”

 “Yes. If you’re willing to accept of course-”

 “Definitely yes. I will.”

 “Splendid! Here is your letter from one, Professor McGonagall. She explains all in the letter. You’ll be traveling by floo powder in two weeks’ time.” Ryan shakily accepts the letter and reads it over twice.

_Dear Ryan Steven Bergara,_

_Congratulations on being chosen as our candidate for the Ilvermorny and Hogwarts merger. We’re incredibly excited and await your arrival._

_This Merger will last a full school year and will ask you to attend your classes and extracurricular activities with the same punctuality and enthusiasm as you do now. You are free to return to America during school holidays and as equally free to stay at Hogwarts. School books and robes will be provided upon arrival as well as a welcome feast in your honour._

_The staff, students and I are extremely excited to welcome you to our school._ _Kind Regards,_ _Minerva McGonagall_  


_Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry._

 “Sir, you couldn’t possibly know how much this means to me. I’ve always wanted to be an Auror and work for Minister Granger and this will-” he’s interrupted by the door behind him opening and closing loudly.

 “Ah, take a seat.” Fontaine doesn’t sound as welcoming as he had been with Ryan.

 “Sorry I’m late. Borak made me clean after charms.” That voice chilled Ryan’s mood immediately.

“Quite alright, Shane. Please, sit.”

Shane Madej is a student is Ryan’s year, a Horned Serpent and the bane of Ryan’s entire educational life. They’d met in first year. Shane and Ryan had shared a carriage on their way to Ilvermorny. He’d imported a Bombastic Bomb from Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes and blew it up on the carriage. His introduction to Shane wasn’t the half of it, however. After that, he seemed to be in Ryan’s eyesight for the remainder of the year. It wasn’t until Ryan accidently stepped on Shane’s Exploding Whizz Poppers in third year when the problems started.

Shane sat next to Ryan, his eyes bulging when he noticed him; Shane clearly had not payed the other person in the room any mind, until he knew it was Ryan.

 “What’s he doin’ here?” Shane muttered angrily, slouching down in his seat.

 “The same reason you’re here, Mister Madej.” He silently passed over another letter.

 “I thought the merger was for one student?” Ryan asked panicking, refusing to accept this as fact.

 “It was. But, I contacted Professor McGonagall and she’s more than happy to have both of you.” Shane was opening and closing his mouth like a harpooned fish.  

 “Sir, I don’t understand. This thing was meant for a teacher’s pet.” Ryan shot a dirty look his way.

 “No, Shane. It’s for the person, or persons I think will benefit from the merger. That is yourself and Ryan.”

 “I’m not going.”

 “In fact, you are. It’s compulsory. Now, you should both be getting to your classes. If you have any further questions, please don’t hesitate to ask.” He stands and both boys follow suit, he starts ushering them towards the door, ignoring Shane’s protests as he does.

 “But, Sir!”

 “Have fun boys!” He closes the door on them, abruptly shutting Shane up. Ryan rolls his eyes and makes his way down the twisted staircase. He knew it’d have been too good to be true. Wherever he goes, the smell of bad hair gel seems to follow.

This was going to be his stepping-stone to getting a job in London after school next year. To getting a job as an Auror! The only thing standing in his way is a lanky, six-foot, big headed moron who likely doesn’t know where Hogwarts even is.

 “Oi Bergara!” Ryan speeds up, making it as far as the hallway before a hand roughly yanks his shoulder.

 “Go away.” Ryan pulls himself away from Shane’s grasp and continues on, grinding his teeth together

 “Charming. I can see why they picked you to go have tea and crumpets for a year at Hogwash.”

 “ _Hogwarts_ ,” Ryan stops, turning to see that stupid smirk, “I’d say the same, but it’s probably part of Fontaine’s plan to finally smuggle you into Azkaban.” 

 “Harsh. Anyways, I need a favour.”

 “I’d rather die.” Ryan turns on his heel, barely getting an inch away before Shane’s large mass blocks him.

 “That can be arranged. No, I need you to convince Fontaine to send someone else.”

 “And why would I do that?”

 “Because I don’t want to go, and you don’t want me there,” Ryan smirks pleased to know they’re on the same page, “and you’re the biggest kiss-ass in America.”

 “Second biggest. How is Elijah, by the way?” Shane scowls.

 “Are you going to do it or not?” Ryan ways up his options, casting a glance toward the courtyard next to them.

If he does it, Shane won’t go, and Ryan can be free to learn without stress of constant arguments. Shane can stay here being the dick he always is with his crew of idiots and boyfriend.

 “You know, I think I’ll pass.” Ryan smiles sickly sweet, crinkling his eyes and feeling very pleased with himself. Shane on the other hand, looks bewildered.

 “What.”

 “You heard. I wouldn’t miss seeing King Shane’s crown fall without any backup from his Merry Men. I get to see you be miserable for a whole year. Why wouldn’t I want you to go.” Ryan has always been great at making a situation work and this is how he’ll make it work. Shane’s fists tighten and animatedly squares up to Ryan.

 “Fine. But don’t think for one second, I won’t make your life hell. Try enjoying Hogwash in my company, Bergara.” He stomps off down the hallway, only pausing briefly when Ryan yells at him to eat a mint.

In the weeks following up to Ryan’s departure from Ilvermorny, Shane had approached him three times in an effort to change his mind. The first time, he’d offered Ryan to join him and Elijah at a card game, seemingly asking with extreme effort. Ryan politely declined and asked Elijah if he knew about Shane’s non-diagnosable rash.

The second was a less dignified approach. Shane had slipped a dungbomb into his bag, leading his entire Transfiguration class to evacuate their classroom and spend thirty minutes in the rain while Professor Layback tried to find what it was. Ryan thought it best to stay quiet, even when he found a note crumpled up in the bottom of his bag that read,

_The worst is yet to come if you don’t sort this out._

The third time almost made Ryan change his mind. Ryan had been a fairly long walk away from the castle, gathering ingredients for a brew he’d been wanting to perfect. He hadn’t expected a very dejected looking Shane to walk up to him while he methodically picked at leaves.

 “Listen man, I’ve tried being nice and I’ve tried being mean. So now I guess I’ve got to try being honest,” Ryan startled a bit, but settled his hip against a tree and folded his arms, “I really don’t want to go. I literally don’t know why Fontaine chose me to go. I know we argue and you hate me, but I’m begging. Please get him to change his mind.” He rushed out every word, Ryan was barely able to string the sentence together. He felt almost bad for the guy. Almost.

 “Shane even if I wanted to help you out, I don’t want this to reflect badly on me. What if Fontaine takes away my spot too? Furthermore, it sounds like he wanted you to go for whatever reason. I wouldn’t be able to change his mind.”

 “I know. I just thought it would be worth a shot.” He smiled sadly and turned to walk away. Ryan felt something like guilt. Oddly something he’d never thought he’d feel while conversing with Shane.

 “Wait,” Shane stopped, looking over his shoulder, “Fontaine favours a more direct, meaningful approach. Talk to him yourself if you really want out. He won’t say no.” Shane nodded wordlessly and walked away.

After that, he hadn’t seen or heard from Shane at all. When Shane still hadn’t arrived at the floo gate five minutes before they were due to travel to Hogwarts, Ryan could only assume his advice worked and Shane wouldn’t be joining him.

Equal parts relief and happiness filled him when Professor Layback announced it’s time to leave, still no Shane in sight. He gathers his belongings and Mary, his tawny owl, before stuffing himself into the less than sizeable fireplace.

 “Remember to speak loud and-”

 “Clearly, I know. Thank you!” Ryan reaches for a handful of floo powder and straightens himself, clutching on Mary’s cage tightly. He simultaneously drops the floo powder while calmly and loudly saying ‘Hogwarts’.

It happens fast. The heat starts at his toes and mercilessly transcends his body, as if taking a bath in butter beer. Thoughts barely come to Ryan before he’s falling face-first onto a red rug. Pain overcomes him, mostly at the expense of his nose that somewhat broke his fall.

 “I’ve seen smoother landings.” No. Ryan hopes to God it’s just a concussion. A nightmare. Anything but reality. He glances up, cheek mushed into the floor, and there he is. Taller than a pine tree, eyes wide and owlish. A shit-eating smile plastered across his unfairly polished face.

“Nice of you to finally join us, Bergara.” Shane smirks.


	2. Like Family

When Ryan got his letter, he had never known joy like it. A euphoric feeling that pictures or videos couldn't capture. His own memory of his Mom walking into the kitchen, her hands gripping something tightly behind her back; a gleam in her eyes which told Ryan it could only be one thing- his letter. They'd celebrated for hours afterwards. Many of their closest wiziding friends and relatives flocked to their house, all sharing the same shine in their eyes. His brother spoke fondly, talking excitedly about the day he too would receive his letter and have a party in his honour. That, that was the highest Ryan has ever felt. 

But this? This is the lowest.

Splayed out on the floor, Mary squawking next to him; his suitcase pinning his legs down and the ever-present pair of long, muddybrogues only inches from the tip of his nose. We wondered if his Mom would have the same look on her face if she could see him now. He almost didn't want to get it up. Willing his mind to think of a spell that would swallow him into the nearest vase or back-slap him out of a window. That being said, reality hit and the memory of where he is quickly made it to the top of his concerned list. In a hurry of limbs and unimpressed noises from Mary, he gathered himself and stood up. He straightened out his robes, electing to ignore the pain present around his nose. When his suitcase was right-ways up and Mary had been silenced by one of the treats he stowed in his pocket, he finally observed the room he's in. 

The room is circular and cladded with dark paintings, furniture and books. Yet, it's surprisingly light with the large casement windows lining the stone walls. Ryan tries to take in every detail, knowing any number of famous witches and wizards once could have been stood here appreciating what he is appreciating. The thought fills him with an indescribable joy and a certain appreciation for all the hard work at Ilvermorny paying off. The joy is short-lived, however. 

"I know you're very impressed by a room, Ryan. But, that headmaster chick told us to go to her office once your lazy ass showed up." He'd almost forgotten that Shane was actually here. He spares a glance in his direction, finding them to be to close for comfort. He sidesteps immediately and rushed to pick up Mary's cage and grip his suitcase handle.

"Thought you weren't coming." It was more of a statement than a question, trying to lower his level of curiosity as to why the hell Shane's here at all. Even if Fontaine wouldn't let him off the hook, Shane most likely wouldn't have given up so easily. 

"I wasn't. But, honestly, getting to annoy you for a year is totally worth it. I'd be an idiot to pass up that opportunity." Ryan risks a glance over his shoulder, seeing the smug smile he's grown to resent more than the kid who accidentally hexed him in third year. 

"You can't become what you already are, Shane." He hisses. Without another word, he lifts the cage and pulls his suitcase behind him as he takes long strides towards the nearest door. 

"Wrong door." Shane chimes. Ryan snaps his head around, locking onto the door behind Shane. He tries to suppress the flush painting his cheeks as he turns and makes way for the one behind Shane. 

"Your big head was in the way." Ryan mutters angrily, stopping when he's in front of the door. He juggles with the items already in his hands as he tries to turn the doorknob. He suddenly feels a looming presence over him as an arm reaches out and opens the door for him. 

"Or maybe," Shane's voice has gone threateningly low and primitive, "you're," with the deep voice so close and the slow, broken sentence, Ryan's skin numbs and prickles as if been punctured with needles, "just a short ass." Ryan yanks the door open and stomps out into the hallway. He heads for the only other door in the narrow room and goes to knock. Before he could do so, Shane pushes past him, opens it and waltzes through treating the place like his own home. Against his better judgement, Ryan follows him in and closes the door behind him. 

Unlike the first room, this looks more like what Ryan was expecting. Grand, homely...warm. It's littered with reds and oranges, blues and greens. Everything had been thoughtfully placed and meticulously positioned in such a way, Ryan feared simply coughing or raising his voice a decimal too loud would destroy the ambiance littering the room. 

"Ah, Mr Bergara I assume!" A cheerful, but aged voice calls from the far end of the room. There sits a small woman, dressed in fine robes and a pointed hat. Her posture is strong and confident, yet mostly hidden behind an enormous desk. Minerva McGonagall smiles, greeting Ryan like an old friend. Nodding towards the empty chair next to where Shane now sat. "Please sit. I trust your journey was well?" Ryan sits, smiling back. 

"It was wonderful, thank you headmaster!" Ryan beams, basking in her presence. 

"Yeah, Ryan really fell for the room decor." He hears the smirk and struggles not to turn and hex Shane. 

"Oh?" She replies, clearly pleased. 

"Yeah, he even got a close look at the carpet." Ryan bit his lip, subtly kicking at Shane's ankle. 

"Well, I'm glad you liked it. Hopefully you'll find the rest of the castle equally as interesting," Shane conceals a snort with a cough, "anyways, I'm happy to see you both here in one piece. Now, as described in your letters, you will have the opportunity to learn and study here at Hogwarts. We expect exceptional punctuality, attendance and the interest of learning. This opportunity is not one given to just any student and the standard expect from the two of you is high. But, of course we want you both to enjoy your time here. Just like Hogwarts students you both can visit our local village, Hogsmeade, and have free periods when they're scheduled in your time table," As if rehearsed she pushes two sheets of parchment towards them, "Your timetable. On the other side, you'll find a map of the school with all the classrooms marked. Now, onto the more exciting part. You'll both be staying in dormitories here. Shane, you'll be with Ravenclaw. Ryan, you'll be with Hufflepuff. Treat your houses just as your ones in Ilvermorny- like family." Ryan chances a look at Shane, shocked to find him listening intently, his timetable already folded neatly and resting on the desk. 

"Now, I've rattled on for long enough. Do you have any questions?" They both shake their heads, "Jolly good. Your belongings are already in your dorms, so I shall walk you both to the hall for the feast." When Ryan stands, he looks toward the door, indeed finding his suitcase and Mary missing. 

 

They make their way down a twisting, winding staircase when they leave the headmasters office. Every wall in the castle is the same shade and texture, almost every brick perfectly mirroring the one next to it. It's uniform and proper, old and beautiful. The age of the castle seeps through every stone step and brittle brick. McGonagall leads them through hallways and doors Ryan is sure to get lost in many times throughout the year, not feeling the least bit comforted by the small map he has in his left robe pocket. He should be paying more attention, but it's almost impossible to do so when there's so much to look at and the sound of Shanes obnoxiously loud heal smacking on the stone floor, echoing down the long, empty hallways. 

While Ryan is admiring a particularly large, moving painting, he's abruptly stopped by a long arm against his chest. Noticing it to be Shane, he immediately smacks it off him, stopping when McGonagall turns sharply.

"This is the teachers entrance to the great hall, after tonight you'll be using the same entrance as the rest of your peers for breakfast and the like. I thought it better to sneak you in this way, not as much attention." Ryan smiles, greatly appreciating that. She turns back to the door and pushes it open. Loud, uncontrollable noise floods his ears, hundreds of eagerly chatting students and teachers fill the air. All of it suddenly stopping when he, Shane and McGonagall enter the room. With the many heads turned to face them, Ryan tries his best to conceal his face from them; his eyes zoning onto the floor beneath his feet. 

"Well this is awkward." Shane mutters. Ryan says nothing, but for once in his life, agreeing with him. Ryan follows McGonagall quickly, anxiously trying to avoid standing on the ends of her robes. The silence had turned to whispering and muttering now. He tries to tell himself it's because of the headmasters appearance, but the hundreds of eyes on him make it hard to believe. When they finally stop, Ryan chances looking up. He's at the top of a long, brown bench, curious eyes constantly catching his. 

"Mr Bergara, this is the Hufflepuff table. Please take a seat." He nods nervously and carefully moves his body into the empty space on the end. He watches as she navigates Shane to his table before making her way to the far table at the end of the room where presumably all the teachers are. She walks towards a stand in the middle of the raised platform and stands behind it. Everyone silenced when she raises her hand.

"Good evening everyone," a chorus of replies come from around the room, "tonight is a very special occasion for both our school and another. Tonight, we welcome two students from Ilvermorny in America," cheers and immense clapping erupt in the hall, hands clapping Ryan on the back and hands moving to grab his, "I know you'll all treat them like our own. Now, let the feast begin!" Ryan had barely turned before he was included in fifty different conversations. Many were introducing themselves and welcoming him to Hufflepuff, proclaiming it to be the best house. He tries his best to keep up and remember all their names, but it's borderline impossible to do when his stomach and eyes clock on to the array of food now covering the once empty tables. Still, he waits politely for the excitement to lessen and for his peers' hunger to take over as well before digging in. 

Once it had, Ryan quickly gathered different foods onto his plate. Some he recognised, others he didn't, still he piled his plate high with meats, vegetables and side dishes. His mouth floods with his first bite, stuffing more onto his fork the second time. He sees Shane as he chomps at his food. He looks comfortably in his element, annoyingly so. His grimacing is blocked by a body sitting down in front of him.

"Hello! Just thought I'd come introduce myself now that the novelty of seeing an American has buggered off for most of them." He's tall. Maybe taller than Shane, which worries Ryan slightly. His hair is brown and swoopy, covering most of his forehead. He wears a kind smile, sipping on a goblet of pumpkin juice. 

"Oh, hi! I'm Ryan Bergara." Ryan replys, swallowing the food he had stuffed into his cheeks.  

"Lorcan Scamander. Pleased to meet you, Ryan." Ryan swears his eyes glitter as he wipes away a stray drop of pumpkin juice with his tongue. Ryan is definitely going to enjoy Hogwarts. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooo love triangle forming? who knows lmao. fun fact: Lorcan is the grandson of Newt. You know, baby Newt from fantastic beasts? god bless that family. anyways yeah i literally watch nothing on buzzfeed other than unsolved- so all characters will be either made up by yours truly, or part of the harry potter canon universe^-^
> 
> new question: what hogwarts house are you in? i'm a gryffindor. how basic. but its accurate. 
> 
> okay byeee loves leave kudos so like i know people want more and get the will to write it

**Author's Note:**

> wowie so first chapter i guess dunno lmao,depends if this actually okay and not fuck awful tbh. 
> 
> leave a comment about your favourite sweets cos i want sweets rn
> 
> leave kudos if u want. or not. i don't own you.


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